Let's Talk, Man!
Story by Ty McPhee | Design & Illustration by Sarah Stewart
It can be nice to hit the snooze on your alarm every once in a while and give yourself the extra five or ten minutes of rest because of a long or busy week. When you’re hitting that snooze button every day and more than once however, it could be a sign you’re struggling with your mental health.
Going out to drink with the boys after work or hanging out together and watching sports can only help so much. When those support systems aren’t there it can be an uphill battle for a number of men who suffer from depression and anxiety.
Mental health could be a major problem one of your “bros” could be struggling with and they choose to put on a strong face because of the stigma surrounding seeking help. The feeling of impending doom, debilitating anxiety and the lack of any sort of emotion besides sadness isn’t just for characters in a book or movie. Depression and anxiety are mental health struggles that people are facing daily, but some men aren’t seeking the help that they could need.
The Problem That’s Kept Secret
Mental health struggles are a thing and the numbers don’t lie. As of writing, the office of case management here on campus saw 675 students with 40% being male. There were 1,018 students in 2021 with 45% being male. And then 2020, with 897 students, 43% being male. These numbers aren’t students seeking services, but students that have been notified by case management as people who might need help. “We’ll say to the parent of a female identifying students ‘we really think that weekly counseling with someone who focuses on this particular issue would be great’ we hear ‘OK we'll get that started’ you know when it's a male student what we see on a regular basis is ‘well I don't think he needs that’,” says Joy Stochosky, the director at the Office of Case Management here at Central. Stochosky provided insight on mental health and why it feels like men aren’t seeking help when it comes to these problems. She said that compared to females and talking about their problems or difficulties, getting help through counseling or other resources is put far down on the list of options for men. Quitting the job that’s causing you trouble, having a beer, and then talking to your significant other before seeking counseling is discussed among peers. Stochosky wants that dynamic to shift with counseling and destigmatize it.
Why The Stigma?
Oftentimes when men are plagued by some kind of anxiety or even depression it’s pushed away in favor of staying strong and doing what they think is best, even if it’s more problematic for them. “There is a running joke for a while, it’s not that great, but if you’re on the east coast there’s something wrong with you if you don’t have a therapist there, if you’re on the west coast there’s something wrong if you do,” said Stochosky. She also provided a number of obstacles that men find themselves facing when seeking any sort of counseling:
· (Problem Solver Role) Men might feel like they are in a sort of problem solver role which makes them feel like in order to get past their mental health issues, they need to fix it themselves without any sort of outside help.
· (Weakness/”man up”) Men might see that getting outside help for themselves is a sign of weakness and shows that they’re not man enough for the world or the problems that they’re facing consistently.
· (Pride/vulnerability) When addressing the fact that a man might have mental health problems it can be seen as them being vulnerable and lacking pride in themselves.
· (Change is hard) It can be difficult when you go a number of years passively dealing with your mental health issues for any sort of treatment now to be a drastic change and intimidating.
· (Control) Addressing the mental health problems can be seen as a loss of control in yourself. Acknowledging that there is something about them that’s inconsistent and unpredictable can be hard to tackle.
· (Reliance on non-professionals, IE Partners) When men do take the steps towards managing their mental health or addressing it, they often go to their significant others for help. Oftentimes they don’t know the best way to help you compared to a trained professional.
· (Higher substance use for relief) While having a bit of marijuana, a smoke or two, or even a few drinks can be okay. When the substance use goes beyond a healthy amount then it can lead down a dangerous path and doesn’t help the problem.
· (Lack of info on resources) More often than not people don’t know what they can do to help their mental health. Knowledge about the resources that are out there is the best way men can take action.
· (Concerns about medicine and counseling) Like lack of info, not knowing about the medications that are prescribed specifically for anxiety and depression can be intimidating. Counseling sessions can be intimidating too because of that shift in environment and letting yourself be vulnerable. Counselors are specifically there to listen and help you through your struggles. It’s not a one size fits all type of scenario.
· (Fear of discovery) The thought of someone finding out that you’ve been to therapy or have medication for your mental health can be scary for some. Being open about your own personal struggles can be a hurdle and once that leap has been made it can be easier to talk with others about what you’re going through.
· (Cultural acceptance/considerations) Cultural acceptance is something that can be huge for people that grow up in those kinds of households or communities. Having a group of people or even family judging you for getting the help you need is scary and something that needs to be destigmatized.
Joshua Collins, a sophomore here at CWU, is a Studio Art and Art History major. He’s one of the men who broke the stigma and sought mental help through therapy, and he understands where that stigma comes from. “A lot of it, in my opinion, stems from toxic masculinity and society’s image of what a man should be: strong, loud and independent.” He believes that even if someone sees those traits in themselves, they can still struggle with mental health and should seek therapy.
The Best Resource for You
There are a number of resources men can utilize in order to receive the proper help they need. Stochosky listed short term commitment sessions through case management which provide help on an individual basis in three sessions. She also listed other alternate resources students can utilize like books, virtual counseling which is available through TimelyCare and anonymous phone lines like the Treatment Referral Routing Service. Daniel J. Levinson's The Seasons of a Man’s Life was recommended by Stochosky as well which goes into detail on the developmental stages men go through.
Collins had originally sought therapy after sexual assault but found that while it did help, it wasn’t for him.
“There’s something in healing through myself than through another person that I found more solace and serenity in,” Collins said. He suffers from panic disorder, anxiety disorder and depression and believes that everyone should at the very least try therapy if they’re worried about their mental health. Collins expresses himself through his art and is open about the struggles he’s gone through, “Now, I’m very open about what happened to me, but do not like to share without cause,” he said.
You’re not alone in your struggles, no matter how much you tell yourself it’s your own battle. There are other men that are going through the same thing even if they don’t show it. It doesn’t make you any weaker to acknowledge the struggle and push through it.
