Going to Hell in a Handbasket
story by Leanne Bick, photos by Lily Beck, design and illustrations by Lizeth Valdes
Taylor Brunwald likes long walks on the beach, puppies and fried chicken. By day, Brunwald is an upstanding Ellensburg citizen, but every Monday at 7 p.m. he dons a new personality– Taylor B, radio d.j. and host of the show “Handbasket” on Ellensburg Community Radio (ECR).
The radio shares its name with one of Taylor B’s personal projects, a zine – a self-published magazine – that explores a wide variety of themes. Handbasket zine, published independently by Taylor B, came before the radio show and is completely independent of the auditory experience. “The zine absolutely is not endorsed or condoned or anything like that by ECR,” Taylor B says. A few zine issue topics include, heroes, body types, sex and pride– and that’s not all. “Politics and religion,” Taylor B adds to the list, “the two things you can’t talk about at the dinner table-or on ECR.”
Bringing Up B
In his own words, Taylor B was “raised an army brat.” His father was in the military, meaning his family hopped between southern states with changing duty assignments. “Texas, Louisiana, Oklahoma,” Taylor B says, recalling some of the places he’s lived. “Yes, I’m calling Oklahoma part of the South-but that’s a whole nother conversation.”
As a child, Taylor B found a love for zines through the show “Rocket Power”, in which one of the characters produces her own zine. As a fan of the band Rolling Stones as well, he soon found himself loitering at newsstands and snagging magazines in waiting rooms. Taylor B went on to obtain a bachelor’s of arts in communications with an emphasis on journalism at Cameron University, which would set him up for a career in media.
After graduating from college, the first publication Taylor B worked for was OKIE Magazine based out of Lawton, Oklahoma. Here, he had the chance to meet Indie Michaels, editor of the magazine and a radio show personality Taylor B had listened to prior. Taylor B was ecstatic to work alongside Michaels, and during their time together he helped Taylor B get his zine up and running. It was full of essays, poetry and artwork, but excluded one thing: AI. “I despise AI,” Taylor B explains, “I’m fascinated with the people’s first hand perspective.”
The Handbasket zine would soon become much larger, providing a voice for the people. At first its audience wasn’t very large, but a good friend of Taylor B’s, Tara Giancaspro, recommended creating monthly themes to make the publication more cohesive. Taylor B took the advice, and his audience responded in kind by multiplying exponentially.
Creation vs. Creativity
The creative process is an elusive creature, one often described by artists and innovators alike with a variety of colorful metaphors. Taylor B uses the tasty comparison of a banana split to describe his favorite part of the creative process: seeing his projects come together.
“What’s your favorite part of making a banana split?” He asks, providing what may be the obvious answer. “The banana split. But then it’s slicing the bananas. and putting on the whipped cream,” Taylor B continues. Each part of the process adds so much that it becomes impossible to pick one. Truly passionate about his craft, Taylor B has fallen in love with the process and is saddened when audiences don’t take the whole process into account when viewing his, or any, creative pieces.
Taylor B believes that all artists should be regarded by the details of their work, their creative process and their pieces’ emotional evocation. That’s why the occasionally reductive title of “creator” isn’t a personal favorite for him. “People are worth more than that,” he says.
Handbasket’s Handle on Homophobia
It started with a metaphor. A quote speaking of self ruin: “To hell in a handbasket.” A dour phrase ascribed to those headed down the “wrong path.” For Taylor B, this dark expression is linked to the early 2000’s, when the term “gay” was not used as a proud expression of identity, but a derogatory term intended to inspire revulsion.
Oklahoma 2004: painful remarks are cast across a church pulpit. Voices say that ‘gay is wicked, gay is a choice, gay should look like this’. The voices turned into an internalized struggle for Taylor B. He was told, “Be more like Will, less like Jack–” a commentary of the popular sitcom ‘Will and Grace’, which features a litany of LGBTQ+ characters– Will being more reserved, and Jack being far more outwardly flamboyant.
Taylor B was told that he would face a terrible fate because of his identity, but he wasn’t going to change. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Instead, Taylor B held onto his identity and turned the negative phrase into a source of pride, deciding to enjoy the ride. This sound bite would go on to become the catchphrase for “Handbasket.”
The altered expression takes power away from hate and gives it back to the LGBTQ+ community, reassuring those who need it and simply being a source of pride. As Taylor B says, “yes, according to these people, I’m going to hell and I’m going to have a great time doing it. It’s not a pervasive thing to have gone to hell. There’s been growing acceptance of queer people, and I’m married to my husband now, thanks to that.”
The catchphrase is, in his words, Taylor B’s way of “taking what was presented as the worst thing a person could be and do, and celebrating it.” A source of pride. Taylor B says he’s going to “enjoy life while it’s here, and if I do go to hell, I’m going to enjoy that ride to hell in a handbasket.”
Both of his namesake projects, of course, are far more than just a catchy idiom. Taylor B created the Handbasket zine because he wanted to share his experiences, but to fulfill a growing need for LGBTQ+ voices as well. Having grown up in the south during the 2000s, inclusive publications were few and far between. Talor B recalls there being “nothing like queer publications'' in his hometown, which provided him with a drive to create them himself. “I wanted to open [my town] up to it,” Taylor B remarks. “It is really a way for me to get out of myself, and try something that is for my community.”
Rad Radio
Taylor B deeply enjoys the creative outlet of ECR’s Handbasket show. The music leans toward alternative, pop, dance and the occasional R&B, always reflecting what the audience wants to tune into.
Taylor B’s love of radio was originally spurred by his grandparents tuning into country stations and his parents turning up classic rock and contemporary. When he was just starting the radio show he remembers having a few panic attacks, finding it strange because no one else was in the room with him; but the people were there, eerily invisible and listening. It was intimidating, but with time and practice came comfort.
He suggests to all CWU students stressing over impending public speaking to start off by practicing in front of friends. “People who care about you– or at least like you– are not likely going to be as critical. And they’ll be able to give you pointers, like you ought to emphasize this word or speak up; things like that. The more you practice, the easier it gets.”
The Butterfly Effect
“I’m a firm believer in the butterfly effect,” Taylor B shares, describing the idea “that one action can result in consequences that could be either catastrophic or brilliant and wonderful. I’m choosing to believe that one person receiving some level of joy and relief from a difficult time in grad school led to positive consequences.”
This remark sets a scene that holds a special place in Taylor B’s heart. It’s 2015, at a Dallas zine party. Taylor B is tabling for his zine along with a few friends and his future husband. At the end of the event, after handing out pamphlets, a woman approached and gestured to the zine in her hand. She asked if the individual on the front of it was Taylor B. After receiving her affirmative answer, Taylor was engulfed in a hug. The woman divulged that she had been going to private school and had been experiencing some rough times, but had found comfort with the zine. She said she had needed this.
Taylor B was deeply touched by the interaction. “Somebody sharing their story, or seeing their work and their name published in the zine or hearing something fun or otherwise ridiculous on the radio show– if it makes a positive impact for at least one person, it makes all of this worthwhile.”
Gratitude On the Way
Never alone on his journey, Taylor B would like to take a moment to thank his friends, family, supporters and audience.
He is thankful for Carlos Frank-Estrada, Christopher Sommer and Hollis Zepp who agreed to be Handbasket’s board of directors. Taylor B expresses of his husband of nine wonderful years, “I would only hope that everybody who would want a partner, would want a spouse, would find one as incredible as my husband.” Finally, he shares gratitude for his mother and her brilliance for the “enjoy the ride” tagline.
“I’m very fortunate to be able to do any of this, and it’s nothing that I take for granted, so I’m very grateful and delighted,” Taylor B says before signing off. “Until next time, enjoy the ride to hell in a handbasket.”
